Day: January 20, 2006

I don’t quite know why i keep doing this to myself. I know its over. I know I didn’t deserve what I got. I know what I deserve. And I know I’m capable of getting it. And I know that its God’s will, not mine that should be done. So why won’t my heart get over you? Why am I sitting here still thinking about you. Why am I still wondering if there is a chance on this earth or in heaven that we can fix this? What’s really wrong with Mo? Why can’t she let go? Damn, is she that sprung? I don’t know. Maybe its because I know the hell I went through from 2001 to 2003 when someone was playing yo-yo with my heart’s strings. And I was fighting the urge to return to the first real love I had known. Now, the situation is somewhat similar but its not identical. Just like years past, I know whats best for me. My mind has started down the road to moving on..but my heart is another story all together. I mean, definitely my feelings for you are not gonna keep me from doing my work in school or meeting new people when the occasion presents itself, but I can’t let go of the “almost-forever-thing” that slipped through your fingers. Lol, it didn’t slip through mine. I was trying my HARDEST to hold on. I held on for …13 days all by myself. You were the one who let go. I miss you a lot. I miss being your friend. I miss being your girl. I miss laughing at your stupid jokes. I miss my morning wake up calls. I miss conversations about nothing that last for hours. *sigh* oh well! Its okay for me to miss you. Because when it was good, it was really good. It didn’t even have a chance to be bad. It just went from good to over! Lol, maybe that’s why its so hard to let you go. I laugh because I rather not cry. Crying doesn’t cleanse me anymore, it distracts me. And I have work to do. A lot of work to do. So maybe I’ll see you tomorrow night. And if I do, maybe you won’t do anything else to further damage my psyche. And maybe you can act like the ‘gentleman of all gentlemen’ again before I have to lump you in with the ‘asshole of all assholes’. We’ll see. As for what’s wrong with Mo? She might be lovesick…but me thinks she’s just sick of love!