Dilemma in Thoughts

Okay. So at this point I’m pretty much keeping my mind open to new love and at the same time trying my hardest to make sure that I don’t push anything not worth pursuing. And because of the two extremes, I’m having a little dilemma. How do I show just enough care to let him know I’m interested but not so much that he thinks I’m attached? I find myself just a step too far (in my own eyes) then having to back track and apologize. Like getting mad that he didn’t call me back in an appropriate amount of time, then having to come back and retract because I feel like I overreacted. Or getting annoyed that he won’t let me in on what’s going on with him, then realizing that I was acting to possessive and having to back up, stop calling and letting him contact me when he’s ready. I’m just so torn because I know so much more about myself and what I want that I feel like I can’t act the same way I use to act with men I deal with. I’m very much a chill person. I don’t like showing if I’m upset or not because then these guys out here think they’ve gotten the best of you. But, after thinking about it I decided that if I never show how upset something makes me, the perpetrator will never change. He’ll do the same thing over and over again because he knows I’m just gonna get over it. Thats definately one thing the asshole of all assholes taught me. So, now I establish early on what I consider to be an appropriate mode of conduct. Not calling me back 16 hours, not okay. Saying you’re gonna stop by and doing so 7 hours later, not okay. Not coming before you stop by, not okay. All these minute details are simply to establish what will and will not be tolerated. Because I’m at the point in my life where I feel like it is pointless to fall into something with a guy, pretend you’re cool with how he’s acting then get upset about the same things when you guys get in a relationship. The same way he treated you when you guys were ‘talking’ is the same way he’s gonna treat you when you are committed. That’s me all day and I refuse to bow or cooperate on that one. And furthermore, just because I’m not holding the title of “wife” does not mean you get to do whatever you want or you get to treat me any kind of way. That’s all for now. I’m just conflicted about where to draw the line, when to show I’m upset, when to let it go.

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