What I Can and Cannot Do

I hate people telling me what I can and cannot do. This is not coming from any recent stimuli…just some things I have been pondering. I cannot forgive and forget the way he treated me. I can forgive him even if solely for my benefit. I can’t be his friend or his love. I can become the perfect stranger and remove myself from his life. I cannot (and will not) stop writing about you. I can remove you from my life so you no longer become a source of inspiration. I cannot forget the way things were. I can come to terms with the fact that you’re not the same person and you don’t have my best interest at heart. I cannot give up on love. I can chose to love more wisely by letting my choice be wrapped up in God’s will. I cannot take back the things I have done. I can forgive myself and come to the realization that God has bigger plans for me than I can ever have for myself. I cannot change the woman I am. I can grow into the woman I was destined to be. I cannot chose who I love. I can chose the way I express that love and who I allow to love me. I cannot stop loving him. I can stop letting my love for him control my life and dictate my actions. I cannot forget our moment in time. I can forget the pleasure I use to get from his presence, touch and words and simply leave them un-examined. I cannot change the pain I felt. I can change my future endeavors by remembering that pain and learning from it. I cannot let go of the resentment I feel. I can guard my heart and soul against that resentment so that it does not destroy me. I cannot stop missing him. I can stop missing the good times by remembering how much hurt and pain accompanied them. I cannot erase the years I loved him. I can stop myself from wasting anymore time on him by living in the “now” rather than reliving the past.

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