Love Is Not Enough

Just because you love someone does not mean you are suppose to be together. I heard that quote a few years ago and it blew my mind. A year later I understood it perfectly and I’m living it today. I never understood why this particular ex of mine always seems to treat whomever he dates after me like they are gold. No matter who the girl is, even if it was someone I hated or couldn’t see any good in, he was 100% faithful to them, he claimed them publically and he never disrespected his relationship. All the things I could never get when we were together. Being that we were on and off for so many years, he had plenty of opportunity to treat me right. He chose not to. It always buggled my mind that he just wouldn’t do right by me. I loved him more than I have ever loved anyone in my entire life and he told me he loved me the same, so I just could not figure out what the problem was. That love kept me holding on to him for a dysfunctional number of years. When I finally realize that love is not enough I let him go. In my mind, the fact that I loved him more than anyone else meant that he was the one for me. WRONG! Our relationship was always dysfunctional. I was never happy except for short intervals then I was back to crying or upset. There was not one instance where we got back together and left on good terms. It was always volatile and explosive. Plus, I hate who I was when I was with him. It was like he prided himself on keeping me insecure about my place in his heart. I was jealous, territorial, insecure and overly emotional. It SUCKED! It seemed like my feelings had a complete hold on me and I could not control them to save my life. I remember like 5 or 6 years ago, sitting at work in front of the cash register and tears just falling like rain down my face. I had to keep telling people that I had allergies. My mother was so mad at me because she thought I was crying. I don’t know if she bought the allergies excuse or not. Anyways, with him it was always one thing or another. And it seemed like the longer we knew each other, the worse the situations became. In 2005 I thought he did the worst thing ever and I was never going to speak to him again. But of course my love for him made me forgive him a year later and we were back on “good terms”. Then of course he topped himself and did something so disrespectful it still boggles my mind to this day. It makes me angry and sad that the love I have for him won’t go away (I need to pray about that some more). Because I finally know that I am not suppose to be with him. He poisons my life whenever we are together and I can definitely do without that negative energy. The matchless love I had/have for him does not alleviate the fact that love is not enough. There needs to be  respect, loyalty, fidelity, compatibility, understanding and an ability to compromise. Someone who loves you shouldn’t pride themselves on making you feel lower than dirt.

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