Frustrated beyond belief at being treated like a prisoner in my own house, I cry out to anyone willing to listen. "I can’t take this anymore, I have to get out of here before they drive me completely crazy." Crazy, that a few months ago I was actually looking forward to coming home. Close to the ones I love and to the one that loves me the most. But clearly my daydreams of pleasant memories made and quality time spent were nothing more than me hoping for the best. And yet, Tears of frustration roll down my face and I reiterate "I gotta get out of this place." Every day a different rule, a different standard to live by. Which wouldn’t be so bad if there was any consistency. Or is it me? Am I being unreasonable to think that a twenty four year old attorney should garner some respect. Not to deflect the problem but I can promise you that it is not me. How could it be? When all I do is sit at home, go to church, or go visit my family. Everytime I even say the word "boy" or "friend", its like the world is coming to an end. Yes, I get it, you don’t like him. You don’t like us. You don’t like "we". But I’m the only "she" that has to build a life with this man. Go ahead, fight it all you can. But all you’re doing is making me resentful, making me resent you. Stop trying to destroy my mind frame. I have a good name. And I’ve kept it that way. I’ve kept most scandals at bay. I compose myself as a lady should. And yet you treat me like I can do no good.
So, just because I am home temporarily while I plan out my next move, I have been regressed to being treated like a child. I have been home since the beginning of August and I am so ready to leave. Every day my parents come up with a new rule to put me back in a box that I have long since outgrown. "Come home now", "Go do this.." "Don’t go out late"…and their latest and my personal favorite, "don’t go out after its dark". Need I remind anyone that because it is winter, the sun sets right around 6pm? Yes, so at twenty four years old, my "curfew" is 6pm. I am so frustrated right now I’m trying to move out of the house as soon as possible. I don’t have a job yet and I don’t care, I just need to get the hell up out of here. Every additional day I stay, they find a new way to try and break my spirit. First they didn’t like my boyfriend. Then they didn’t like my social circle. Now it feels like they just don’t like me. I don’t understand why I’m being treated like an escaped felon. I have done everything they could ask of me at this age and yet they treat me like an idiot. Like someone that must be monitored 24 hours a day otherwise she’ll lose her damn mind and act a fool. I’m beyond frustrated right now. I understood from the jump that living at home means giving up some of the independence I’ve been use to for the past 7 years, but I honestly did not think that it meant I would be treated like a misbehaving child. Honestly, right now, I’m just gonna keep grinding hard, saving money and hopefully before the new year hits, I can tell them that I’m moving out, no discussion necessary. If they are so high strung on me living in their house that they can’t even cut me any kind of slack, then obviously I’ve worn out my welcome and I am more than glad to move out. Trust me, I have plenty of places I could go, I would just rather save my money and go it on my own. I’ll keep you posted! I did not fight so hard and work my tail off just to become another one of their dependents.
It seems that my life is never a constant. From year to year things are absolutely crazily different. For the past 3 years, each winter has been completely different from the last. Year to year I see myself change, sometimes progress, sometimes regress. Year to year I am a different woman. Three years ago absolutely single and loving it. Meeting new people, disregarding old boyfriends, enjoying a break from law school. Two years ago I was absolutely head over heels with someone (the gentleman turned A-hole). Dealing with barely concealed animosity from jealous ones, establishing by baby steps my friendship with one of my bestests. A year ago I was trying to be a peace-maker. Forgive and forget everyone from former friends to ex-beaus. This year, I’m in love…again. Content where I am as far as my friends go. I don’t want any more. A handful of friends can bring a lifetime of joy. No number of acquaintances can ever replace what I already have. I am done trying to build bridges. Some things are better left unmended. Some friendships not true enough to be kept. Some people not genuine enough to be held on to. Today I am different than I was last year, the year before that and even the year before that one. It seems that as the seasons change, so do I. Thankfully, I’m changing for the better.