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Blessed and Highly Favored

Imagine knowing that God has a calling on your life, and being a person of such diversified interests that you can’t figure out where exactly you have the most impact. I love writing. I love writing poetry, fiction and non-fiction. I love writing about God, life and love. I love writing about people and uplifting them. I love speaking. I love speaking to people and impacting their lives. I love knowing that my words have made someone’s day better or helped someone to realize their true potential. I love advising others on challenges that God has already helped me to overcome. I love telling my survivor story because I feel like there are hundreds and maybe thousands of people who are going through it right now and need to know that they can overcome too. I love to sing. I love to dance. Any way I can express my creativity and give glory to God, I’m all about it. Having all those diverse interests often have me questioning what I should be focused on – where does my ministry lie? This weekend that I have been inviting people to come to and others chose to ignore the invitation, this weekend showed me EXACTLY where I need to be. I feel so bad for any and everyone who missed out on this Praise Worship Explosion! It was life-changing! It was destiny-altering. It was prophesy-fulfilling! Seriously. Intense is not even the word for it.

For a while I’ve been noticing that when God is speaking to someone and I am watching that person, it’s almost as if I can read what God is telling them right on their face. Like, sometimes I look at people and I smile because they don’t even realize where God is trying to take them but I see it clear as day. So when I get an opportunity to see that person grasping hold of their destiny, I get excited. God is blessing me and favoring me beyond my wildest imaginations. To be given the undeserved privilege to know just what to say to others when God wants to use them?! I’m still so humbled and thrilled at the thought. I love it though.

Be it through my entries, my poetry, my telephone conversations, songs of praise or dance, I feel like God is using me to convey a message to others. A message that lets them know that no matter how inadequate they feel or how far they think they have fallen, HE is still able to great things with and through them. Being able to show people that I am as far from perfect as someone can be and yet, God in His infinite mercy choses me as a vessel of honor. What a blessing! Being able to tell a story that is REAL. Not one that is sugar-coated because I am afraid that someone might judge me for being less than perfect. Being able to tell the story of my shortcomings, my oversight, my falling out of grace only to wrap it up in God’s grace and forgiveness and His never-ending mercy over me? That is such a blessing. It’s a blessing indeed. I’m blessed and highly favored. Hope you can relate.

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Better Than Okay

I think I’m well. Things aren’t perfect but they are coming along. I enjoy being in love and it is bringing new dimensions into the way I see myself. I enjoy building up the friendships I have developed over the past twelve, eight and four years. I love the job I do. I enjoy the challenges of my career and I enjoy it even more when I realize that I have met and overcame those challenges. I like who I am. I don’t claim to be perfect but I genuinely like me. I like that I have a heart of flesh that can absorb things very easily instead of one made of stone where nothing can penetrate. Although the first allows hurtful things in, the latter keeps wonderful things out and that is no way to live. I like that I think twice before I speak my mind to a friend because I understand the impact that words can have. There are a thousand things that take a split second to say and cannot be erased or forgotten in a life time. I like that I remain willing to forgive for as long as others remain willing to apologize. I like that I know when to cut my loses and when someone isn’t worth a third chance after they’ve blown their second. I like that I don’t deny my friendship to anyone who is willing to love me for me, regardless of race, color or creed. I like that some people see me as reserved and others see me as ‘crazy’ that I can be whatever the situation calls for. So, regardless of what past adventures in love and friendship have tried to break me down, I like who I am. I’m doing just fine, better than okay.

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Doormat

This was me then…For the sake of love, I waited patiently while he went and did God-knows-what with whoever. For the sake of love I bit my tongue when someone whom I hold dear says hurtful things to me. For the sake of love I hold my peace when my blood boils because of the unprovoked attacks of others. For the sake of love, I stay silent when a “friend” treats me like I’m stupid. For the sake of love I remain stoic as those dearest to my heart take my kindness for weakness. For the sake of love, I keep silent as girls drag my name through the mud. For the sake of love, I smile when a friend of a friend trashes my good name. For the sake of all, I bore all things.

This is me now…For the sake of love, I fight for the respect and honor I deserve. For the sake of love, I step away from a so-called-friend when she fails to realize how her selfish ways and manners affect me. For the sake of love, I bite my tongue temporarily then speak my mind as the situation allows. For the sake of love, I scream, I cry and ultimately resolve the issues that were trying to tear him and I apart. For the sake of love, I refuse to give up on the man of my dreams. For the sake of love, I dismiss and disregard the guy who has tried for almost a decade to break me down. For the sake of love, I hold my head up high even when he parades around trying to turn his latest ___ into a housewife. For the sake of love, I pray for forgiveness for wishing evil on those who had behaved evilly towards me. For the sake of love, I cry for a friend long lost, as she falls further and further away from grace. For the sake of love, I do my best to wish her well even though her actions cut me to the core. For the sake of love, I still find ways to rejoice with the very ones who snickered behind my back when all I was trying to do was better myself. For the sake of love, I let go of the anger that could consume me whole if I let it. For the sake of love, I am a better woman.