Almost A Quarter of a Century

In two days, I’ll be 25. I have to think about my life honestly and try to see what significant thing I have accomplished since my last birthday. My life is standing still right now and I can’t say that I love it. I’m thankful for my relationship with my baby because I know we are keeping each other sane. We are not always perfect but the love we have for each other is genuine. And we’ve been through so much that I feel like if we were ever going to stop, we would have sometime in the past fifteen and a half months. But we didn’t. We fought, we cried, we fought some more but we always manage to get us back where we both need to be. I’m almost a quarter of a century old and I feel like my life is standing still. I need to be doing more but it seems like every turn I make runs me into another wall. It’s the same obstacle over and over again. I see so often I’m beginning to feel like I’m making excuses. I don’t feel what I expect to feel at this age…accomplished. I feel stifled, constrained, restricted. I feel like I’m running into a class ceiling on a daily, weekly, monthly basis. I don’t know how to shatter it. Or maybe I do and I just don’t have the right tool. I want to move on. My surroundings and my situation are keeping me from growing. Nothing significant has happened in my personal life in the past year. No new grounds have been broken. No new friendships formed. No past hurt healed. No grievances forgiven. I’m tired of the stagnation. I want to move on. I want change!

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