Seeking Something…More

Lately my world has been a delicate balance between total chaos and indescribable victories. One of the most important people in my life is in need of God’s touch right now and I continue to pray on them so I don’t worry. Juggling between being there as much as possible for this person and keeping abreast of all my work on my caseload has made my time very precious but with God’s help, I’ve found a balance. And I pray that this person will be completely whole soon so that will be one less thing for me to have on my mind. I’m evaluating and re-evaluating the people in and around my life and once again, I think it is time for a change. A conversation with Tristan yesterday helped me to realize that I don’t have to hold on to any anger or resentment I may have had towards others who have disappointed me. If anything I should be grateful to know where I stand. Which is an excellent point and I’m taking it to heart. Right now, I’m looking for something. Something…more. I don’t know what it is but I think I’ll know when I find it. There is a disturbance in my life somewhere. I don’t know exactly where but my spirit picked up on it and I need to put things back on an even keel. Right now my number one priority is my career then my relationship. Those two things need my attention desperately because I feel like a turning point is just around the corner and I want to be ready for whatever the change might be. But while I’m building my career and strengthening my relationship, I can’t help but be concerned about a few other things too, like my friends. I seriously have not hung out with any of the people who matter most to me in ages. I feel a rift between us and I don’t know if it is because we are all so wrapped up in our individual lives that it is hard to make time just to catch up. Or if it is something more. If our friendships are stalling and dwindling down to where we eventually become more like casual acquaintances and less like sisters. Whatever the case may be, a part of me feels like it is my job to fight to hold on to the friendships that mean the most to me. Another part of me feels like my friendships shouldn’t be a constant battle. So when it comes to my friends, I’m seeking something there too. Something…more.