I Wish

I wish I really could take a step back like I told myself I would last month. But it’s not happening and I’m frustrated that I’m not getting what I said I want but at the same time I don’t know how to be mad about it because all we want to do is spend time with each other and there really isn’t anything wrong with that, not when you’re in love. I wish I could evaluate this objectively and that was what I was striving to do. Our future is too important for us to get this wrong now. We have to tread carefully and know that we are being led in the right direction. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to step back when I feel like I’m the only one who’s making the effort to get it right. Like the only thing that I am allowed to do is just continue the way we’ve been. Yeah, I’ve been happy most of the way but my past happiness and my present happiness are not the reason for my concern. I’m worried about my future. I don’t want to look back and think “if only i had known…”. I want to be where HE wants me to be, not where I put myself. And I just wish you could see that. But we’ve already had this conversation and it was tougher than nails that time…I can’t bring myself to do it again. I just wish…what I really wish is that you could read minds.

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