Open

For the past three months, I’ve been wavering. Going back and forth in my mind and I know what I need to do to get the answer I need, but something is keeping me from doing it. I need time and space. Time to pray, fast and search my heart and soul but I’m not getting that. And with each day that goes by with me not receiving what I know I need, I get a little more resentful. For a while i thought if I could just live in the moment, it’ll be okay. I would be here for as long as I am happy and when I stop being happy I’ld move on. But living like that has never been me. I have a vision for where I am going; living anything other than a life of purpose makes me miserable. So, in order to not completely miss what could be my destiny and at the same time keep the peace, I find myself open. I haven’t made a decision one way or the other because I don’t think it’s fair to decide alone. But knowing that I will never get what I need by saying nothing, I find myself trying to make my own opportunities. Leaving myself open to things I once did not consider. It’s not completely fair but it’s the best I can do. I need TIME and I need SPACE! And as long as I’m not getting exactly what I need and I what I already asked for, I’ll remain open to whatever may come my way, everything by prayer and supplication.