I pulled out the notebook of written works I started in 2001 that chronicled my journey through poetry all the way to now and the contents flabbergasted me. Literally, it knocked me on my tail! I was such an idol WORSHIPER! Seriously, I loved LOVE more than I love the one who created it! Every single entry alluded to love, finding it, searching it out, being in love, losing love…just love, love, LOVE! It seriously slapped me in the face the way I use to THINK about the men in my life – my world was shattered (that was my word, shattered!?!) when we were not on the same page, if we fought or broke up. I was more preoccupied with getting married and being someone’s (ANYONE’s) wife than with my relationship with God and keeping God at the center of all things. Most of the time, God didn’t have my attention until I experienced something agonizing and traumatizing in my pursuit of love. I continuously professed letting a man “find me” (as in “he who finds a wife”) but still, I chased after love RELENTLESSLY. I compromised with all types of sin just to keep my relationship. I ignored godly advice to stay in my relationships. I compromised my morals and beliefs to stay in a relationship or find a relationship. I definitely worshiped at the altar of “I now pronounce you man and wife”  I was LUSTING for love like it was physical person. And don’t even get me started on lust. My entries were FILLED and running over with references of me enjoying my sin. Why didn’t anyone ever tell me I was living a lie? Proclaiming Christ with my mouth and denying His VERY EXISTENCE in everything I wrote – like there was no such thing as sin. Of course, I had entries in there from when God convicted me of my sins as well but the sheer volume of entries that were bowing down to everything else but God just knocked me completely on my tail. My prayer is that others out there who are currently bowing down at the altar of “happily ever after” will realize that they are placing their love for someone or some emotion above God, the Creator of All. I can boldly say that I have a FORMER obsession with the L-word to the point of idolatry. But I am new creature now and I measure everything within me by God’s standard in His holy Word, the Bible. I just thank God for deliverance and for His grace that did not allow me to die while i was still living in idolatry.

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