Still Healing

I’m still healing. As much as I love proclaiming my victory in Christ and the abundance of life that I now have in Him, I’m still in the process of healing from the hurts of my past. The good thing is that neither the feelings nor the experiences control me; I am safe in the arms of Christ and only He has control of my life. But even with that said, coming to Christ does not turn off the wells of my emotion. It simply reminds me not to worship them. So, even now when I see pictures of you or hear references to the new life you’re living without me, I get a pang of hurt and regret. Regretting that despite how deeply we claimed to know each other and how forever we claimed our friendship to be, it didn’t make it through into this new phase in my life. And I’m finding myself losing more and more people in the daily attempt to keep my eyes focused on Christ, the author and finisher of my faith. I don’t know if it is because I am no longer as much ‘fun” since I’ve finally realize the sin in dressing in a manner that causes men to lust after me or drinking alcohol when God has commanded to be filled with the Holy Spirit, or dancing/listening to songs that glorify self, world, flesh and the devil rather than God – is it because I am no longer living by this world’s standard of fun? Is that why I am losing so many “friends”? Because I know God has a purpose for calling me to His standard of holiness, I choose to abstain from the things that take my eyes off of Him. Yet because I am human, I take note when, during this process of becoming what God purposed me to be, I lose someone else who once proclaimed to love me forever.

I am so tempted to ask them why it is so easy to let me go. But I recognize immediately that this question sounds like the old me who would put the approval and love of loved ones before the approval and love of God. So, I swallow the question and banish the thought. Instead I comfort my spirit and my heart in the truth that many of the people who achieved radical things from God faced their biggest opposition and challenges from within their own circle. So maybe it’s easy to let me go because they realize that I am peculiar. God did not call me to live like everyone else so I should expect “everyone else” to find me strange. They hated Christ so why wouldn’t they hate me if I am striving to be Christ-like? It makes sense and I know God will use this period of separation to achieve exploits in my life and bring glory to Himself. Pray for me in my journey from healing to HEALED.

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