Ever since I began this renewed walk with Christ, I’ve come across the phrase “doing too much” a couple of times. It was spoken by people who felt that some Christians who were passionate about Christ and the Cross and repentance and living righteously were “doing too much” or over-doing their Christianity. The phrase bothers me not only because I feel like it pertains to me but because it is hypocritical. When I was all up in the world, and partying it up with my girls every weekend and all that goes with it, THAT wasn’t doing too much, right? It’s okay to make every effort possible to fulfill the lusts of the flesh but as soon as I turn that same passion towards the Living God and start to walk in the purpose for which He created me, NOW I’m doing too much. Christ was on the cross for hours, being tortured like no human being will ever be tortured again. Not only did He feel physical pain but He was also in spiritual anguish because for the first time in His life, God the Father was not with Him. Christ endured the gruesome pain, the anguish, the agony, the shame, the torment of the Cross simply because He loves me that much. If I was the only person saved by His sacrifice on the Cross, He would have still went and died. This wonderful Savior who did all of that for me is now asking that I LIVE my life in a way that reflects Him and Him alone. But I’m doing too much? It wasn’t too much for Christ to die for me so tell me how it can be too much for me to live for Him?
Today, I am so burdened in my spirit. I came across a note titled “95 Theses Against Worldliness” and it seriously pierced me like nothing has pierced me in the past 7 months of my renewed and authentic walk with Christ. One of the statements that got me was this one. “we confess our love for God more in public than in private, just like the Pharisees.” OH MY LORD! When I read that statement, my heart just dropped into my shoes and I had to ask myself, “is that what I’ve become?”. I’ve been so engrossed in making sure that my life points others towards Christ and I haven’t been as engrossed in making sure that my life was ACTUALLY growing in Christ. For example, everything on my Facebook page has to be God-glorifying. It keeps me in the spirit rather than the flesh and my hope is that it points others towards Christ. BUT, ask me how much time I spent in prayer, just me and God today and I would have to say all of 5 minutes. OH MY LORD! Have I become more concerned with making sure everyone knows that I’m walking in Christ than actually walking in Christ????? God, please have mercy! I kept thinking that because my reason for letting everyone know about Christ is so that they would seek HIM, and not because I want them to pat me on the back. All I want is for my life to reflect Christ in such a way that others chase after Him. But, in doing this, I’ve began to spend more time with Christ in public than I do in private…and all I can do now is crawl back to my Heavenly Father and cry for forgiveness.
I thank God for conviction. I thank God for His living Word that still speaks. I have to get off this thing and go SEEK CHRIST like I’ve been proclaiming.