Today I finally got around to doing something that I should have done in September 2009 or at latest April 2011. What is it? Editing ALL of my blog posts. I started this particular blog (exported from another website) in 2005 when I was twenty-two years old, a lukewarm Christian and looking for love and affirmation in all of the wrong places. Due to immaturity and lack of discretion, I would often use my blog to vent about other people’s mistreatment of me – including details of my personal life that would have been better served in a private journal. I thought my bluntness was a virtue rather than a shortcoming so I never did anything about it. After I gave my heart to Christ in September of 2009, I began a new journey on this blog – documenting the things I am learning in Christ, my challenges as a woman who is pursuing the heart of God and addressing issues as the Holy Spirit will give me inspiration. Lately, my blog has also been a sounding board as I prepare for the release of my first book. The book itself is causing me to evaluate and re-evaluate myself, my life, my principles and my growth. The level of transparency in this book required me to ensure that I am not doing any harm to others by showing the world all of my cards. The book is suppose to be a help, not a source of harm.
The process of evaluating the book, therefore brought me here, to my blog, where a lot of the inspiration for the contents of this book was taken. I started evaluating what I have written over the past almost eight years online. I found that some of my entries were motivated by hatred and a sickening need to inflict harm on others. Those had to go. I found other entries that were motivated by despair and the need to pour out my anguish without a filter – I made those entries private. I found still other entries that were brutally honest but could be of help to someone who understands me as a human being and may be encountering a similar situation in their lives – these entries have been password protected, to be shared only as my closest friends request.
The reason I took the time to do all of this editing on my past entries boils down to one thing – honor. In the past, I had cultivated the deplorable habit of dishonoring those who hurt me. Over the years, I have learned wisdom. At this stage in my life, it is critical for me to learn what it means to honor others. I am striving above all things to be a crown on my (future) husband’s head rather than a thorn in his side. I want to honor him. I want the things I put out for the world to see to cause his heart to swell with joy and happiness. I do not want to be a cause for reproach. I want to honor the friendships I still hold dear as well as the one that have passed away. And most importantly, I want to honor the God who has kept me from destruction even when I was at my filthiest. I cannot honor anyone, God or human being, if I leave my old entries in their unreformed state. They serve almost as a trophy, glorifying my previously unrepentant state of mind. No matter how much I caution people to be careful in reading my entries that are dated before September 2009 (my pre-Jesus days lol), it does not excuse me from ensuring that the content on my entire website glorifies and honors God.
I have done that to the best of my ability. I pray the old entries serve as a contrast to my readers concerning who I was without Christ and who I am becoming every day with His help. I leave them up so that others can see my journey. I also leave them up so that someone who is still struggling with their own identity in Christ will find hope for a much more glorious future in God.
If you want God to change you, you have to surrender.
3 thoughts on “Honor”
Great post! A woman that desires to honor her husband(marriage) by submitting her past to godliness is a wonderful thing. Trust that God is leading him to do the same. Your marriage and life will prosper in Jesus name.
Continue to let the Holy Spirit lead you and God bless.
Thank you so much! I appreciate the feedback. There’s no greater joy than to find yourself growing in the areas in which you have been seeking God for growth. I am thankful that I God opened my eyes to the importance of honoring others.