A Servant’s Heart

When I first came to Christ, I was just so excited about finally being where God wanted me; I was desperate to make up for lost time. I wanted to win souls, be an example to other believers and encourage others all in one day. That passion and zeal for the things of God fueled many wonderful ideas and occurrences in my regenerated life and I look back on my first couple of years in Christ with much amazement at what God did and a totally grateful heart. During that time around 2011, I became more active on social media and started seeing more examples of women in Christ encouraging other women and spreading the gospel. There seemed to be a formula for it. As a newbie in my faith walk, I assumed that what I was observing was the proper (and only) way to minister to others as a woman. So I bought into the formula and started attempting to create a following of what I believe to be like minded women to whom God has called me to minister. The results were perplexing. I wasn’t satisfied and I felt like I was “using” God to make a name for myself and then justifying it by redirecting attention back to Him. The results were also unsuccessful. I was a nobody. The were no reasons for any crowds to be drawn to me or my message, no matter how Gospel centered I deemed it to be. The moments that brought me the most satisfaction and peace with God were one on one conversations with other women who were going through experiences that Christ had already healed and redeemed in my own life. I realized the error of my ways in trying to make a name for myself. I didn’t have to be famous or wealthy or beautiful to be a “minister”. I just had to love people and serve them as Christ commands – without hypocrisy and out of a pure heart, rendering my service as unto the Lord. Thanks to the wisdom of God, I find myself more self-aware of my motives as I serve in the vineyard to which God has called me. Whenever I find myself dissatisfied with results or wondering why more people aren’t hearing what I have to say, I am quickly able to ask myself whether the endeavors I am undertaking are for my glory or the glory of the Risen Savior. Truthfully, when I am lifting up Christ rather than myself, one soul is enough. It is when I am seeking my own fame that the numbers matter most to me. I found more joy in sharing my heart with 5 teenage girls in my church on a weekly basis for two years than in trying to convince 700 social media friends to buy into my God-given “vision”.

I cannot pinpoint what motivated this post but I have been struggling to document where I am in my walk of faith for a while. I pray this short writing resonates with someone somewhere.

Yours In Christ,