Lately, I have been focusing very hard on putting work behind my passions. I love writing and producing creative works that others can consume and enjoy. I have been working on a new project, collecting my best thoughts and insights on every area of life and putting them together into a book. If I put the right kind of effort behind this work, I know it can be a great product. I am already proud of the work it has taken to get to this point.
A part of me pictures this being the work that introduces me to the women I hope to reach and connect with – the audience who would find and build community through my writings whether they are blogs or books. The other part of me does not want to worry about “reaching the masses” with my work. I just want to invest my time in doing good work and doing it consistently. At this point, I rather be a great writer than a popular one. One leading to the other would be welcomed.
Recently though, I have been shrinking away from the thought of being known. Over the last ten years, I can credit the majority of my growth to the privilege of making my mistakes in private. I am not sure I am ready to give up that privilege and trade it for a new reality. The ideas in my head and heart are not only meant for my living room. They are designed to benefit as many people as I can impact but reaching the masses means giving up the comfort of knowing that my decisions only affect those in my immediate community. It means being held accountable to the raised standard that comes with public platforms. For someone who has been so focused on putting my best writing out there, it seems I am now rethinking my methods. All year long, I have exerted my best effort in laying the foundation for others to find me (writing more blogs and short stories, revamping my websites, creating new social media pages, paying for online ads, etc). Now, I’m reconsidering and wondering if this season of not being “seen” has been purposefully orchestrated by God to prepare me for the life I hope to have some day.
What if the years of being in the dark and seemingly buried were just my time to be planted until I grew strong and deep roots? What if the ideas that I am so giddy to share with the world are still so tender and vulnerable that they can easily be destroyed by thoughtlessly uttered words from outsiders? What if I am trying to share the things that God is still desiring to perfect? [If you haven’t, please listen to Pastor Michael Todd of Transformation Church and his sermon series for “Planted, Not Buried” and “Marked” – they changed my life].
To allay those fears, I am committed to listening intently for God’s voice and direction in all things. I cannot tell you how many blog posts I have drafted and deleted because although they were easy to write, they did not reflect what God has instructed me to share. I am committed to doing exactly what God asks of me when He asks it of me, and not a moment sooner or later. For too many years, I have let the approval of man replace obedience to God. I thought being celebrated by others would fill the void that was created by a life lived without purpose but now I know better. Knowing and walking in the will of God for my life has been the best antidote for every emptiness I have ever felt. So in this present reality, even when I feel hidden because there are no audiences to speak with, no readers to engage and no groups with whom to share my gifts, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that being hidden does not make me any less treasured.
Being hidden is a blessing. There are less demands on my time. I am able to learn what is relevant and specific for this season of my life as well as prepare for the coming one. Being hidden allows me to rid myself of any part of my soul that still longs for public accolades more than the private approval of God. Being hidden allows me to know my own heart so that my darkness is not being exposed to me and the watching world on a stage. Being hidden gives me the quiet solitude necessary to ask God to hold a mirror to me and show me who I really am, away from the smoke and lights. Being hidden feels a lot like being forgotten but they are vastly different. Common things get forgotten. But treasure is hidden. And when such treasure is finally unearthed, there is more joy in the discovery than there ever would have been without the adventure and hard work of digging up and unlocking what the world did not even realize was missing.
You may be hidden, but you are still treasured.
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