Tag: Featured

life

Ex-Slave – Breaking the Bondage of Public Opinion

Omowunmi

If you live for the approval of others, you’ll die by their rejection. – Rick Warren

Today, thanks to the encouragement my sister in Christ, Brittany, I spent some time contemplating the why’s and how’s of public opinion, particularly why so many of us are bound by the approval and disapproval of others.

At the very beginning of the year, I wrote a blog post about “people pleasing” and how the Holy Spirit desires to take that habit away from me in 2013 (you can read it here https://naijabeauty.wordpress.com/2013/01/31/confessions-of-an-ex-people-pleaser/). Beyond abstaining from making decisions that pleased others but dishonored God, I needed to be free from the bondage of public opinion.

When I was growing up, I depended heavily on others to tell me who I was. From my parents to my friends, people in the community, other Nigerians, teachers, church members and pastors, I clung to outside opinions about my character, abilities, failings and potential like a lone life preserver in the midst of a tumultuous sea. Whatever anyone said about me was my truth. I did my best to be beautiful, kind, nice, funny, respectful, smart, intelligent, entertaining and a host of other things, all at the same time. I had to be these things or I wouldn’t be acceptable, and if I wasn’t acceptable, I would never be happy. Such were my thoughts from the age of 3 (my earliest memory) to the age of 26.

The older I got, the worse my situation became. As a young adult who had experienced disappointment and heartbreak and loss, it was no longer easy for me to put forth an easy-going facade. Being hurt by others brought out the worst part of my character as I grew older and those “ugly” parts of me (the insecure, jealous, angry and embittered side) began to rear their heads more often. It became harder to be the beautiful, kind, nice, funny, respectful, smart, intelligent, entertaining and thus lovable version of myself that people wanted to see. The more hurt and disenchanted I became, the harder it was to stay the “acceptable” version of me.

The worst part of it all was that I was fully aware of my flaws, so it wasn’t like people’s dislike of my ugly side was unwarranted. As far as I was concerned if people hated me it was because I wasn’t worthy of their love.

I started jumping through a lot hoops to earn the love that I wanted. Having others love me was proof positive that I was lovable and if I had to “perform” in order to be lovable, so be it. With my parents, it meant lying about my true colors. I would be the perfect daughter who got straight A’s, set ambitious goals for the future and had no bad habits. If it meant that I couldn’t speak with them about my struggles with purity or the overwhelming temptation I was facing in college then so be it. In relationships, it meant trying to convince men that I was “marriage worthy” and if that meant performing wifely duties without the commitment then so be it. With the viewing public, it meant putting forth the appearance of perfection. No one from the outside looking in would be allowed to see my flaws, my scars and my ungodly proclivities.

This mindset itself was a form of bondage. The relationships, friendships and reputation I built could only be maintained if I continued to perform – tap-dancing for each audience (parents, friends, church folks) according to the version of “me” they preferred.

It did not occur to me that the woman I was created to be was not meant to be acceptable to everyone. There will always be people who are turned off by who I am. Redeemed in Christ or not, some people will not like me. I can spend the rest of my life tap-dancing to please them or I can choose to have peace with God and move on. The Bible says that as much as it depends on us, we should live peaceably with all men (Romans 12:18). God knew what He was doing when He put that qualifying language in that commandment. Some of our “peace with all men” will not depend on us. They have to want peace as well. Despite our best efforts, some people are wholly committed to finding fault and belittling the person that God has created us to be. It is not our job to change their minds. A person whose heart is for you will see your flaws and your failings and will still persist in saying “I’m not going anywhere.” We DO NOT have to be perfect for others.

I didn’t even have to be perfect for God, and He has the highest standards in the entire universe. If God saw me in the filthiest of my habits and saw the deepest, darkest and most disturbing of my thoughts and STILL only has good things to say about me, why am I killing myself trying to be good enough for another human being? A created being just like myself who has neither the power to redeem me nor the authority to condemn me.

When I gave my life to Christ, He became my all. The deep sense of inadequacy I had lived with for decades melted away as I began to see myself as God saw me. I use to see myself as this dirty, disease ridden woman wearing filthy rags, wholly unfitting to approach the unapproachable holiness and purity and majesty that is found in God’s presence. I don’t see that anymore. I see now what God sees, a beautiful, blood-washed, bejeweled, redeemed Bride who is specially reserved for her Bridegroom. I don’t have to strive to be beautiful or virtuous or worthy because I AM all of those things and more in Christ. Christ paid the price for me to be these things, there is no striving involved. All I have to do is continue in my relationship with Christ, growing and blossoming and going from one level of glory, holiness and purity to another ( 2 Corinthians 3:16-18; also consider the imagery in Psalm 45:13-15).

There is a deep level of bondage that comes with attributing your innate worth to people’s ability to see you as worthy. You are not precious because other people recognize it. You are precious because God created you to be so. You are no less a diamond because someone mistook you for a rock. I pray that the knowledge of your intrinsic value in Christ (which by the way is priceless) frees you from continuously attempting to find your worth in other people’s measure of you.  Whatever price you can put on the blood of Jesus, that is the price at which you are valued; and there are simply not enough zeroes on our numeric scale to quantify that.

marriage

What’s It Like? (Marriage Musings From A VERY Newlywed)

Omowunmi

The journey of marriage is different for everyone who embarks on it. At only 19 days into our journey, I am not here to proclaim myself an expert on what marriage should look like. I do know that God has taught me some very remarkable truths as a single woman that have proven wonderfully effective as a married gal. Here are a few things I would like to share on what it’s like to be married for two weeks, four days and 23 hours and 52 minutes (and counting).

1. Obedience is better than sacrifice. The only reason I am enjoying the wonderful blessing that is my husband is because I finally came to a place of obedience to Christ after years of rebellion against God. If I had disobeyed, I would either be unhappily married to the wrong person or still seeking fulfillment from ungodly relationships. Letting go of the ungodly ties I had in the world freed me to obeyed God with all of my heart, in that place of obedience is when I met, courted, got engaged and eventually got married to God’s best for me. If I had done it my way, I would be miserable right now.

2. God gives us the desires of our heart and then He honors them. There were certain things I have always wanted in a mate – certain standards that I have seen in godly marriages that I wanted to be my own. These desires of mine were placed inside my heart by the Holy Spirit  Himself and when I recognized that, I held fast to them. Along with these standards, as I journeyed in courtship and engagement with my king, we also built a collective vision of what we wanted our wedding day and marriage to be like – number one on that list is that both bring glory to God. My heart verse for our wedding day was Psalm 34:5, which I happened upon when our church started reciting it as our watchword for the new year. It says “they looked to Him, and were radiant, and their faces were not ashamed.” For me that verse was a picture of my husband and I on our wedding day and in our marriage, keeping our gaze steadfastly on the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, and as we would keep Christ as our focus, His glory would radiate upon our lives and we will be honored and not put to shame. From finances, to our wedding looks, to the way we felt on our special day, Psalm 34:5 came ALIVE for us and I thank God that He gives us the desires of our hearts and honors them. There was ABSOLUTELY nothing that we desired for our wedding day and our marriage thus far that God has not provided. He is amazingly faithful.

3. Marriage is AMAZING! No matter how the world wants to paint it, no matter how high the divorce rate is and no matter how many foolish ideas are out there on what it means to love someone, I can say without a doubt that marriage is AMAZING! God is infinitely wise and the institution He created and ordained is so beyond any man made idea. I literally get to wake up every day with my best friend. From cooking for him, to watching a movie to doing household chores to running errands together, EVERYTHING about my life with my husband feels like one GIANT adventure! And this is all God’s idea! No matter how bananas my husband and I were about each other while we were engaged, marriage took it to whole new level. There such a joy and peace in knowing that we belong to one another and God is absolutely pleased with our love. No other commitment, no matter how profound or meaningful compares. There’s no fear here. Challenges will come some day I’m sure (we are still on Cloud 9, 10 and 11) 🙂 but being with my best friend, lover and number 1 human priority day in and day out makes any challenge worth overcoming for the sake of what we have with each other.

4. Wisdom is better than silver or gold.  The one thing that sticks out in my daily interactions with my husband is how EASILY we relate to one another and how effortlessly our household runs. This is credited to one thing and one thing only – P-R-E-P-A-R-A-T-I-O-N! While I was still single, God made it His business to begin my preparation for becoming a wife. For a year and a half while completely single, I imbibed countless hours of study, meditation and counsel on what relationships were suppose to look like from God’s perspective and the role of a wife in her home. It was amazing! So many wonderful counselors and mentors came my way and shared God’s truths with me. When I finally started courting my husband, we were flanked on every side by spiritually sound authority figures who were invested in our success as a couple. From informal talks right up to pre-marital counseling, everyone in our lives made it their business to prepare us for what was ahead. Furthermore, because neither my husband nor I had a rigid timetable on when things had to be done, we were free to grow in  our friendship with each other and just enjoy learning one another. We didn’t move from friendship to courtship to engagement to marriage based on anything other than God’s instruction to us. We didn’t rush any of our seasons, we savored them. The wisdom of God through His Holy Word, through the Holy Spirit and through our godly counselors ensured that we were ready for our lives together. Now that we’re living it, we see how invaluable each stage of preparation was for us, without it, our joy would not be full as it is right now.

So, I am not an expert by any means. I am simply a woman who is ENJOYING the blessings of God that makes rich and adds absolutely no sorrow with it. Marriage is a God idea and it is a GREAT IDEA! Doing it God’s ways holds all of the benefits and none of the regrets!

Uncategorized

Confessions Of An Ex-People Pleaser

Omowunmi

Since the beginning of this year, one of the things the Holy Spirit has been repeating in my ear is “We are NOT people pleasing this year, Mo” [yeah, the Holy Spirit calls me by my nickname, so what? Lol!]. Hearing those words constantly made it necessary for me to evaluate just how many of my decisions were being made JUST for the sake of getting the approval of others. Even as far back as I can remember, my choice on who to associate with was based on who others would approve of. From best friends to boyfriends, I only wanted those that would validate me in the eyes of others. Thankfully, I was always rejected by the “in-crowd” so even when I was fighting it tooth and nail, God lead me to people who would be genuine in their love for me, regardless of whether they happen to be the most popular individuals or the most despised. As I began my journey into courtship, people pleasing was one of the FIRST things God wanted to rid out of my spirit. To such an extent that God would not ALLOW me to seek other people’s approval of my relationship. Beyond our parents, pastors and spiritual mentors, I did not say anything to anyone else about my relationship. God specifically told me that had I sought other people’s opinion or even laid my relationship bare for others to peruse and criticize, I would have immediately started finding fault with my partner and even with GOD and how He was moving in the midst of our relationship. So I learned, at least in the context of my relationship, not to live for the opinions of others.

Then God moved on to my friendships, associations and work in ministry. A long time ago, I made peace with the fact that no matter how desperately I had sought popularity as a teenager and young adult, I was not meant to be one of the “beautiful people.” God knew me enough to know that the type of attention I was seeking would have become an idol that utterly destroyed me if I were to ever receive it.

Okay. That’s fine, God.

If I wasn’t going to be universally loved, then I NEEDED to not be hated. That wasn’t too much to ask, right? The thought of someone finding fault in me petrified me. If I found out someone did not LIKE me or had spoken ill of me, I would literally crawl into myself and just cry. I didn’t want ANYONE to dislike me. This made it hard for me to confront issues head on. I would suppress ill or hurt feelings towards others because I was petrified that simply stating how I felt or trying to resolve conflict would cause someone to hate me even more. I became this insecure, self-consumed person who was petrified of one negative word from any source, no matter how far removed. Criticisms (constructive or otherwise) sent me into a tailspin as I would try my best to become everything to everyone.

Hindsight is 20/20 so I see clearly now how that mindset would have completely hindered everything I wanted to achieve in Christ if it had persisted in my life. However, people pleasing in my life took on a more subtle form after I gave my life to Christ. I would often seek multiple opinions about something even though I already knew what to do. If I made a decision led by wise counsel and others disagreed, I immediately started questioning what I had already decided. I would sometimes hesitate to testify FULLY of what God has done in my life for fear of being judged by present company. Even these subtle signs of “the fear of men” could have derailed God’s plans for me, especially in this new year.

This year is the one that God has set aside for me to publish the book He placed on my heart. As a people-pleaser, I could have NEVER publish a book like this one. This book is transparent, raw and unapologetic about the consequences of sin and the standards of God. I would have been too SCARED of the opinions of others to ever be associated with a book like this one. The thought of others identifying me with the main characters bad acts and failings would have been enough to send me running for the hills. A people pleaser simply cannot accomplish much and God has placed the desire to do great exploits on my heart. This desire has been ever-present, unwavering, from the age of three when I became aware of my “self”.

I finally realized that all of the things that God wants to do WITH my life are going to elicit strong criticisms and backlash from others. I had always thought that weddings were happy occasions where everyone celebrates with the bride and groom. I am finding more and more that weddings also bring out the worst in others, present company included. Planning for such a grand occasion gives us as human beings the perfect opportunity to be self-absorbed, selfish, critical, back-biting, envious and completely irrational in our motives and actions. So, am I suppose to remain single because getting married opens me up to a new level of scrutiny and ill-motivated criticisms from others? Absolutely not.

Mentoring and sharing my journey (failings and all) with those younger than me opens me up to criticisms and gossip from those who do not see me as a daughter of the Most High God but rather as the same worldly, carnal girl of old who now wears a cloak of perfection. Should I stop speaking the Gospel because some people do not see me as qualified enough or perfect enough to tell others anything about God? I refuse to back down.

Writing a book opens me up to the critique of others. Some will be critiquing my style, grammar, choice of anecdotes, character development and other literary aspects of the book. Others will critique my intelligence, my views, my past, my opinions and ME as a person and may find me lacking. Even THAT is not enough to cause me to disobey what God has placed on my heart to do.

This year is not about being cocky or alienating others. It’s about being so GOD-FOCUSED that I am no longer moved by the opinion of man. I am 29 years and 6 months old, and sadly it has taken me almost THIS long to finally be able to live based on God’s definition of who I am, rather than on the good or bad opinions of others – opinions that change like the wind.

One of my favorite verses James 4:4 says that if anyone desires to be a friend of the world, he makes himself an enemy of God. Friendship with  the world is enmity with God. I don’t know about anyone else but I NEED GOD! I need God for my day to day life. I need Him to perfect these crazy, flesh-driven and subtle tendencies that are still hiding out in my personality and spiritual life. I need Him to teach me how to be a crown to my husband’s head rather than a thorn in His side. I need God to teach me how to fully honor my parents in all of my doings, from the smallest details to the largest. I need God to direct me in leading the younger generation to Himself. I NEED GOD! My need for God makes it completely IDIOTIC on my part to alienate the Creator of Heaven and Earth because I’m chasing after somebody’s approval. I can’t afford to be a people-pleaser any longer. My destiny is too expensive for that!

These are the confessions of an EX people-pleaser. Color me DELIVERED!

marriage

The Importance Of Being…SINGLE!!!

Omowunmi

If you read my last entry, you know I touched briefly on what it means to be ready for marriage. In this post, I want to elaborate on what it means to be SINGLE and why it is the most important  thing to anyone who desires to one day build a godly home with a spouse.

I once heard a quote on marriage that was so profound and so SIMPLE, it changed my entire outlook on relationships, and it is this – “you can’t be married until you’re SINGLE”. Now reading those words flippantly, one might be tempted to respond with a big “well DUH!”. But pause for a minute…

Let’s look at the meaning of the word SINGLE.

Single – adj; not married [okay, no surprises there]; frank, honest [hmmmm, interesting that the definition of SINGLE will relate to character. Let’s keep going] ; unbroken, undivided [DING DING DING!!! WE HAVE A WINNER!!!]. 

So, one of the definitions of what it means to be SINGLE is UNBROKEN or UNDIVIDED – in other words, WHOLE! How many broken people do you know out here looking for a relationship? Many people are anxiously waiting for marriage while still broken from the pain  of their past. If you’re broken, you’re not SINGLE and you can’t be married until you’re single (even the laws of the land will tell you that).

So, how does one become SINGLE or walk in purposeful and godly singleness? Well for me, that question was answered in a two step process.

Step 1 – CUT OFF every tie (relationship, friendship, habits, what have you) that DIVIDES my loyalty between itself and God.

Step 2 – RUN into God’s waiting arms and STAY THERE!

Step 1 was vitally important for me because when I began my journey into being SINGLE, I was already in a committed relationship that was headed for marriage. I knew that my relationship had been built on an improper foundation (see “anything other than Christ”, even good things like good looks and common interests) so therefore the Demolition Company was called in (d/b/a Holy Spirit). I gave God free reign to completely dismantle that relationship. If it was God’s will for us to go forward together, I trusted that He would rebuild the relationship on SOLID foundation (aka the Solid Rock).

Now, even before I became a real Christian (not that lukewarm mess I was in for years), I have been a PRO at Step 1. If the guy I was with wasn’t treating me right, I cut him off! If a friend started acting trifling, I cut them off. If an acquaintance stepped out of line, I cut them OFF! I was good at cutting people off.

Now, STEP 2 though….that was a different story all together.

Of course I would run into the arms of Jesus for comfort and safety every time my heart was broken but staying there was a different matter all together. This time was RADICALLY DIFFERENT though.

Not only did God call me out of my sinful relationship, but because He finally had my attention, He began to LAVISH me with a love like I had NEVER know in LIFE. Every day, He would point me to the love letters He had written for me in the book of Psalms or Songs of Solomon or Matthew or John or Revelation or even Genesis. Moment by moment He would explain to me how precious and beautiful and priceless I was in His eyes. He would give glimpses of the GLORIOUS future He has prepared for me. It was nothing like I had ever experienced in my life. I was completely LOVE STRUCK!

Now with my loyalty clearly UNDIVIDED and utterly fixed on Christ alone, I began an 18 month journey of ABSOLUTE SINGLENESS (no crushes, no dates, no guy friends, “special” or otherwise, NO NOTHING). It was just me and Christ. In that time period as God continued to groom me and teach me to find joy and completeness in Him alone, I started asking Him questions. I finally understood just how the idolatrous nature of my past relationships had doomed them from the start. And trust me it was idolatry. Side note – anyone you are willing to disobey God for, IS your god (idolatry at its finest).

Previously when I met a guy that I connected with, I would commence with making him the center of my universe. If i needed counsel, answers, advice, or comfort – no need to pray – just ask Mr Boyfriend Man. I would pour out all of my affection and love into the relationship while completely neglecting anything else, even my relationship with God.

Well, enter Deut 12:3-4

” And you shall destroy their altars, break their sacred pillars, and burn their wooden images with fire; you shall cut down the carved images of their gods and destroy their names from that place. 4 You shall not worship the Lord your God with such things.”

So now that my idols (inordinate affection for romance/relationships) had been smashed to pieces, I was in EXCELLENT position to fulfill God’s purpose for my singleness. In this time of ABSOLUTE SINGLENESS, God began to pour into me. He taught me how DISGUSTING sin looks to Him. How my years of lukewarmness both nauseated Him and broke His heart. He taught me that LOVE was not a feeling but a PERSON (JESUS CHRIST, patient, kind,  not seeking His own, the very embodiment of 1 Corinthians 13). He taught me how EXPENSIVE grace was for Him despite that it’s free to us.

God began to expose me to me. He showed me that my tendency to “people please” would always put me at odds with His will for my life if I continued. He taught me how to STOP LYING to avoid negative consequences. He taught me to PRAY for people even when I wanted to hate them. He taught me to LOVE others without expectation. God did a lot. He also taught me what a godly, Christ-focused, Heaven approved relationship looked like from His perspective. The Holy Spirit literally filled me up with knowledge about marriage and relationship at a time when I was totally without prospects.

Well, after one year and six months of ABSOLUTE SINGLENESS, the Holy Spirit in His infinite wisdom and mercy had broken every bad relationship habit I had acquired over 26 years of life (and trust me, I was a hot mess!). In that same time period, I blossomed joyfully in His presence, bearing fruit that I had long waited to see in my own life. Instead of being double-minded and hypocritical,  God removed the shame of my past and granted me a precious gift – the gift of transparency (lol, it is a JOY to be able to speak the whole truth after years of hiding in the shadows of sin’s shame). I call it a gift because not everyone has it, not even all Christians have it. In my time of ABSOLUTE singleness, God gave me insight into what my destiny looks like from His eyes. He granted me the privilege and honor to pour into the lives of the younger generations behind me, especially teenage girls. He equipped me with the grace to share my heart wholly and truthfully with them, helping them to navigate the choppy waters of young adulthood and avoid the traps that the enemy has lying in wait for them.

I can say without a shadow of a doubt that my season of ABSOLUTE SINGLENESS yielded much fruit. I am still single because I am not married yet, but as a woman engaged to one of God’s precious and valiant sons, this season is not of absolute singleness. This season of my life is about transitioning to be a WIFE AFTER GOD’S OWN HEART (props to the book by Elizabeth George by the same title – I am re-reading it for the 3rd time and it is BLOWING  ME AWAY!).

So, if you are still broken about your past and in need of healing, go to God – GET WHOLE! GET SINGLE! If you are currently unmarried and you desire to build a home and family under that sacred covenant between you, your spouse and God, I suggest you GET SINGLE. Because we all know, you can’t be married until you’re single.

I pray this blesses your life and your journey with Christ! I pray you find purpose and joy in singleness. May it be a time of EXPONENTIAL growth in Christ rather than drudgery to you. Love you guys!

(if you have any questions or want me to pray along with you on anything you’ve read here please reach out to me on Twitter @attorney_of_luv or email me at threeb_forlife@yahoo.com or comment with your contact info).

life, marriage

Are You Ready?

Omowunmi

As I count down the last 4 months and 1 week of my season of singleness, I can’t help but reflect on where God has brought me from. If you browse any of my blog entries prior to September 2009, you can see the growth for yourself. I use to think I was ready for marriage as soon as I was an “adult” (over the age of 21 in my book). Because I was always starving for love and affection from a “special someone” I wrongfully believed that those urges meant that I was ready to settle down. So around the age of 22, I started diving heart first into one committed relationship after another looking for the perfect guy. It never worked out. My inordinate affection for a human being’s love guaranteed that I would idolize those relationships if any of them had blossomed into marriage. God loves me too much to see that happen so He always intervened before things got to that stage. Along with God’s divine intervention, my own selfish, manipulative, Proverbs 5 ways ensured that I never got what I wanted more than anything, a stable relationship that was marriage focused. In case you were wondering, here’s what Proverbs 5 (v. 3-6) says:

For the lips of an immoral woman drip honey,And her mouth is smoother than oil;4 But in the end she is bitter as wormwood,Sharp as a two-edged sword.5 Her feet go down to death, Her steps lay hold of hell.[a]6 Lest you ponder her path of life—Her ways are unstable;You do not know them.

You might think it mighty odd that I would describe myself in those terms but let me explain. As THAT woman who was compromising and saying ANY and EVERYTHING to get a ring, I was definitely a smooth talker. I would flatter, flirt, cajole or nag my way to get a guy to see me as “wifey material” (I hate that term now, by the way, lol). I wasn’t thinking about the guy. I wasn’t considering whether I was suitable for him and the future plans he had. I wasn’t praying for God’s will in his life. I wasn’t concerned with how I could help him grow in Christ or achieve his destiny, I JUST WANTED A RING!!! A woman with those kind of selfish motives is the EPITOME of a Proverbs 5 adulteress. This is not to down myself but to give us all a reality check. You’re not ready for marriage just because you’re lonely. The best piece of advice I ever got when it  comes to singleness, godly relationships or marriage is this – don’t be obsessed with FINDING the right person, be committed to BEING the right person (paraphrased from Chip Ingram’s Series Love, Sex and Lasting Relationships).

Are you in a fruit bearing relationship with Christ by yourself? Do you daily exhibit the character traits of the Holy Spirit by being loving, joyful, peaceable, long suffering, kind, good and faithful? If you are currently NOT bearing this fruit with family and friends, how the heck do you think you’ll be able to do so while you’re yoked with another imperfect human being in the covenant of marriage?

These are important questions to ask oneself because marriage is not about a WEDDING. It is about spending a lifetime with someone who will cause you to look more and more like Christ with each passing day. A marriage built on anything other than Christ is built on a shaky ground and before God fully prepared me, I was headed for disaster.

Look out for another post on singleness. I pray this one has given you reason to pause, examine yourself and pray. God bless.Image

life

Discretion Will Preserve You

Omowunmi

“Discretion will preserve you, understanding willl keep you” – Proverbs 2:11 (New King James Version)

I’ve always loved this verse even before I fully comprehended what it meant. For the past few months I’ve been wondering what it really means to be discreet. For nine months now God has been doing a wonderful thing in my life and although I am grateful and joyous about this new adventure that God has set me on, I’m very careful about who I share the details with. To a large extent, I’m trying to be discreet. I heard a quote recently that resonated with me…

“Stop announcing the birth of your chickens before they hatch” – Olori Swank (@OloriSWANK on Twitter)

Discretion comes into play here for me because I don’t want to undermine what God is putting together in my life by announcing it too quickly. I believe in my heart that the work of God will speak for itself at the appointed time.

More than just being discreet in a particular situation or circumstance, we should live discreetly. For some the word discretion may have a negative connotation, bringing to mind people who are sneaky or underhanded. That does not have to be the case. Acting with discretion often means that we are carefully considerate of the long term consequences of our actions. In fact, the definition of the word states that it is “the quality of having or showing good judgment or discernment”  As a child of God, you can’t live without discernment. It is necessary to life! A child of God without discernment might as well be an unbeliever! Because you will make the same foolish mistakes as those who are not listening to the voice of God to direct and dictate their lives. Everyone needs discretion.

One of the places that I see a complete lack of discretion, sadly, is on social media sites. I don’t know how many times I’ve cringed or stared mouth ajar at my computer screen, flabbergasted at what some of our young people (and older people) are posting about. Seriously, I’m scared for them. Posting everything about yourself from the kind of man/woman you want to be with, to the “private pictures” of yourself  in your bedroom, to the details of every emotion and turmoil you experience leaves you WIDE open to the manipulation of others. Anyone can go online, read all about you and know exactly which buttons to push to get you to do whatever they want. Your list of turn ons and turn offs gives someone of the opposite sex all the ammunition they need to pretend to be perfect for you. And without the discernment to see through their ploy, you’re headed for disaster. Beyond just posting too much about our lives online, a lack of discretion will cause us to post things that reflect our temporary circumstances but have LIFE LONG consequences. Many people seem to forget that as a human being, you are suppose to grow with each day. The weaknesses you had yesterday should not be the same weaknesses that hold you bound a year from now. As people of God, we should be deeper in Christ with each passing day. With that understanding, nothing but a lack of discretion will cause you to badmouth a loved one online because they made you mad. Even if you take the post down or delete the tweet, you can’t control how other people are going to use that information. If today you are the party girl who loves going out and letting it all hang out, and tomorrow you’re the mother and wife who wants to honor her husband and build her household up, the evidence you’ve left online will make it hard for some people to forget. You’ve given them ammunition to attack you for years to come. People are not always going to be happy about our growth and sadly some people make it their job to remind us VIVIDLY of the mistakes we’ve made; the less we publicize and celebrate our indiscretions, the more we’ll have to be thankful for when we outgrow them. Discretion will preserve you, understanding will keep you!

life, Mentoring/Discipleship

Rebellion vs. Ignorance

Omowunmi

“Rebellion is deadlier than ignorance” – Dr. Mike Murdock

This quote reminds me of the following verse…

Acts 17: 30 In the past God overlooked such ignorance, but now He commands all people everywhere to repent. (NIV)

I read this quote on Twitter and it immediately got me thinking. When someone is unaware of the consequences of an action, they are liable to make foolish decisions that must be later rectified. The good news is that ignorance can be cured with knowledge. Anyone who was once ignorance does not have to remain so. They can forge out on their own to learn what they KNOW that they do not know. Or, they may encounter a teacher, someone willing and able to share wisdom with others. But what about someone who knows the consequences of a particular course of action and still chooses to travel a path that’s almost assured to lead to destruction? That’s rebellion. It’s funny how easily rebellion can be camouflaged nowadays under the guise of doing it your way of finding your own path. In a generation that touts independence and individualism so much, it’s no wonder that young people don’t want to hear someone’s cautionary tale. Everyone, young and old, knows the danger of unprotected sex. Most Christians know the greater dangers of premarital sex. Societies, whether spiritually inclined or not, are becoming aware of the dangers of casual sex. Yet and still young people engage in all three with reckless abandon. Among some young people, there seems to be a disconnect between the knowledge they have of the great risk they are taking and their ability to make sound decisions. Knowing that something has the power to overcome and destroy you yet pursuing it anyway – that’s rebellion, and yes it is dangerous. Reminds me of another verse.

Hebrews 11:26-27 If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God. (NIV)

If a parent has a child who is ignorant about the ways of the world, the parent will always try to educate that child. Parents do this by equipping their children with the skills, tools and mindset necessary to face and overcome challenges. When a parent has a child that has been properly equipped from home yet persists in making poor decisions, that parent has to go to extremes to bring the child back in line. This is where we see young people who end up in the juvenile or criminal justice system or end up with life-altering problems such as incurable diseases, injuries or addictions. This is often where we hear parents say things such as – “He/she was not brought up this way”, “we did everything we knew to do,”they should have known better” “we don’t know what went wrong”.

No matter how much we may want to ignore it or chuck it up to being “independent” or the desire to find our own way, when we embark on a path that we have been warned against and that has led to the destruction of others – it is rebellion! Plain and simple, and if left untamed, it will lead to destruction. Ignorance can be cured just as rebellion can be deadly.